Continuing the trend of celebrities caught with their pants down – literally and figuratively – is Jesse James, estranged husband to Sandra Bullock. Psychologically, celebrities and politicians are more prone toward a self-medicated high to temporarily cancel out the stressful emotions they feel, as I explain in “Adultery the Forgivable Sin.”

Of course, I'm not suggesting that this can excuse their actions – rather it's a reason why news of politicians and celebrities engaging in affairs is, sadly, relatively common. This type of behavior is becoming an epidemic and is a disease similar to alcoholism  and it's time to stop it. We need to stop glamorizing it, or – alternatively – bastardizing it, accept that it happens and move on. I believe that we CAN cure and forgive adultery (an idea I go into in-depth in my book by the same name.) Politicians have a high burn out rate and they're looking to alleviate the pressure and stress – what I call the biochemical craving for connection. 

This can easily become a self-enforcing cycle: politicians and others of us under a lot of stress (and let's face it, nowadays who ISN'T under a lot of stress!?) are looking for a release from this constant pressure. An illicit affair provides the biochemical connection we're craving, along with that high and thrill of a new romance. But keeping up the charade only causes more pressure. And so the cycle perpetuates itself.

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Turn Any Moment into a Spiritual Moment?

by Michael Sherman

My wife and I consider ourselves a reactive couple.  Despite years of working on ourselves and helping others in their relationships, little things still get to us, tiny landmines like "What did you really mean when you raised your eyebrow halfway after I asked you to share your grapefruit?"  Stuff like that.  This example may be a little silly, but the idea behind it is not. Becoming an Imago Couple is all about continued practice to stay present and safe to each other, no matter the circumstances.

Our relationship continues to be an experiment in this practice of presence.  And like martial arts, or going to the gym or yoga class, it is the commitment to practice that helps us refine and enhance our relationship.  Forgetting about Imago Dialogue gets us into trouble. But when we make a conscious effort to practice Dialogue, the dynamic grows friendlier, deeper and more passionate. 

The real trick, we have found, is to not ask for a Dialogue only when there is conflict. It’s crucial to practice Dialogue during normal every day moments.  Rides in the car, waking up in the morning, shaving, cooking dinner – these are all opportunities for a taste of dialogue, particularly if you choose to practice the Imago Appreciation Dialogue.  Simply by telling your partner, “I’d like to offer you an appreciation. Is now a good time?” is a wonderful doorway towards reconnection.  The Imago Appreciation Dialogue is a relationship vitamin.  It works immediately, and daily use will protect you in the long run.

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