In most couples there is a someone who is “dragged in”. We call them the draggee. So you are not alone – you may even be a group that is nearly half of all those who go to some form of couples therapy or workshop.

Then I read some advice from Steven Stosny in Psychology Today. He talks about how couples get locked into a conflict about emotional needs. “As long as they perceive themselves to have emotional needs that their partners must gratify, their desire to love is reduced to Getting my needs met,” Steven reminded me of how often we are living on the surface of our relationships, caught in a game we don’t understand, fighting to get what we each need

If you are familiar with Imago Relationship counseling you may recall that when we first fall in love the brain releases a powerful cocktail of chemicals, which make us feel on top of the world. According to Harville Hendrix, these chemicals are important, because while we are very good at recognizing our ideal partner, we need a little time to get really connected before we discover that there’s a downside. When the initial euphoria of the drugs wears off, we begin to discover that part of being with the ideal partner is discovering some profound differences, which we need to work on together.