Workshops are the map to restoring the connection

I’ve been talking to several Imago couples therapists about workshops.  I ask them “If your client is asking you for couples counseling, why would you send them to someone else for a couples workshop too?” 

And why would they go?  More time, more money.  What’s going on here?

When I first went to a therapist, I asked her what the process would be.  “You don’t need to know that!” she retorted “Part of your therapy is to not know what is going on, it will be good for you for a change.”   When I came across Imago one thing I liked about it is that the Imago approach to marriage counseling is to engage me in the process.   Harville Hendrix wrote one of the first ever books that made relationships make sense.   And he wrote it for people like me, Joe public, so that we can do our own work, and not always rely on couples therapy.

I guess that for most of us, when we call up a couples therapist, we’re expecting them to solve our problems for us.  Isn’t that what we’re paying them for?  But at the heart of the Imago is the belief that sustainable long-term results come from each partner recognizing that it’s them who need to do their own work.   Often the couples workshop is where that recognition takes place.

Another great friend, Rob Drezner, described all this to me as we hiked along the rocky shoreline near Carmel.   He found that couples who attended the couples workshop early on in therapy made much better progress.  “Once the couple goes to the couples retreat they really understand the importance of their role in the therapy.  It’s no longer the couples counselor who is doing it to them.  It’s them doing it for themselves”.  

Rob also mentioned why he liked it when clients that came to him for marriage counseling also invested in the workshop.  “I get my satisfaction from this work through seeing couples making breakthroughs in their life together.  Those who went to the workshop almost always had breakthroughs then, or soon thereafter.”

What is it that a couples workshop can achieve, that therapy can’t.  I got together a whole group of workshop presenters on the phone for that.  “It’s multi-modality learning” they said.   There’s all sorts of learning experiences you can’t always fi tinto a couples counseling session.  Some of the most powerful “Ah-ha” moments have been when people witness other couples having a trans-formative experience during a voluntary demonstration.  Attendees learn from stories, written exercises and guided meditations.  But the workshop also maps out a coherent relationship story for each couple.  Understanding that story is often enough to create a major relationship breakthrough.

Paying for both couples therapy and a weekend workshop might seem daunting.  But if you are in a painful place in your relationship, what would you do if someone offered you a way to move beyond that pain quickly?   But one word of caution.  Many people feel terrific after a weekend workshop, so it’s tempting to call it a day, and not go back into couples counseling.   But then you would miss out on the best experience of all, which makes the most value out of all your investment.  After the workshop you are in a wonderful place to do some great work with your marriage counselor or relationship therapist.  You’ve studied the map, it’s the best time to take to the road.

See next article http://gettingtheloveyouwant.com/blog/marriage-counseling/couples-counseling-deep-equals-good/