Believe it or not,  in some circumstances, being too happy can notch up your need for couples counseling!

Regular addicts of this column may recall my obsession with connecting relationship help and happiness.   Voyagers to the mountain kingdom of Bhutan can enjoy a country whose success is measured in happiness, and that good relationships are honored as the best path to a happy life.

Unless you are a man who is happier than your wife. 

At least that’s the conclusion of one recent study from Germany entitled “You can’t be happier than your wife: Happiness Gaps and Divorce”.   If the husband is much happier than his wife, the couple is much more likely to split up, according to statistics from thousands of couples in three European countries.  But not if the wife is happier than the husband. 

OK guys, if you want to avoid a trip to couples therapy, one strategy is to start looking glum at home. 

While my mind as whirling from this one, I came across the delightful news from England, that guys could guarantee long-term domestic bliss if they did four household chores a week.   I always thought that newspapers were supposed to print news, so apparently it was news to some when the London Times published the article under the headline “Husbands who help in the house less likely to divorce“.

I guess I could make a success out of a career in marriage counseling simply by telling guys to do housework while whimpering in misery? 

But is it just me who finds it odd that so many research reports come out, with all sorts of measures of marital misery, that somehow seem to bypass the deep seated soul of loving someone?   Relative happiness or the number of household chores seems to be so much on the surface that it misses the point, which is deep connection.

If we did a research study to measure the extent to which couples felt connected to each other, would it come as a surprise to find that those who felt most connected didn’t need marriage counseling services very much? 

I have a friend who once wrote an article in Fortune magazine about cancer research.  The article was so radical, he was immediately awarded a book contract.  His point was simple, that reducing the size of tumors in rats was the gold measure for being awarded research dollars, but didn’t correlate particularly well with the treatments that actually helped people survive cancer.

Imago doesn’t have the longest list of research articles to its name, although we have more of a research base than many people think.  But Imago does at least work right at the heart of couples therapy, which is how couples counseling really becomes effective at building love and connection.