Why is it that as soon as Imago people start talking about relationship help, they mention dialogue? 

I thought I would add this article to my blog, since I’ve been talking a lot about dialogue too, but not really saying what it is?   If you are an actor, you probably think of dialogue as those lines you have to learn.  People who create world peace (or try to) never talk of conversations – always of dialogue.  But what does it mean in couples therapy?

Imago Dialogue for couples is something quite specific and quite structured.  At least, its best for it to be structured when you are just learning it, and whenever the subject is hard.  Oh!  We’re talking about the field of intimate relationships- the subject has a tendency to be quite tricky, don’t you find?! 

I’m sure you know that way conversations go between people who say they really love each other.  One person might be daring enough to talk about something they really need from the other, and find that they have unleashed the hounds of hell.  “NO NO, just pretend I never said that” we protest, far too late, as we’re dragged off to marriage counseling to get put back in our place.

Imago Dialogue is a way to avoid all of that.  It starts with learning an attitude of just being willing to listen, but also willing to speak compassionately and kindly.  The person who listens focuses on really hearing what is being said, and showing they heard by mirroring back, perhaps all of it, or perhaps a summary.  (Wouldn’t you just LOVE it if that was how people listened to you?).  Just that way of  listening is a great way of providing relationship help.  But in Imago dialogue the listener also asks whether there is more, and as they hear the story unfold, gently shows how they see its validity, and are touched by what they hear.  

That’s really all it takes to make a powerful change to a troubled relationship.  Here’s a couple of links to where you can read more:

Read about it – Imago Dialogue  – 101

Try it out – Interactive online demonstrations of Dialogue