I am sitting right now in the offices of Imago Relationships in New York, an organization whose core values are about monogamous committed long-term relationships.  I sat up a little straighter when I came across a blog post on Psychology Today entitled “Why we think monogamy is normal” by Michael Price, PhD.   As someone who accepts monogamy [...]

Oprah Winfrey just released a special commemorative issue of her magazine to celebrate 25 years of the Oprah TV show, and Imago founder Harville Hendrix was featured as her #2 “Aha” moment. (You can buy it at the newstands or through this link) Oprah writes about how she saw her relationships in a completely new light after the [...]

In the movie, Sandler’s character, a single plastic surgeon, pretends to be unhappily married in order to attract sympathetic women.The underlying premise is ‘I’m not good enough as I am’. In real life, you might be surprised how many of do this subconsciously, and that can get in the way of real connection.

“Mandatory counseling for couples contemplating divorce maybe a great way to salvage a relationship on the rocks, and avert behavior that poses a threat to an already fragile marriage” says Tim Atkinson, Executive Director of Imago International. “Take Scarlett Johansson’s husband Ryan Reynolds, for example. Right after their split he was seen cavorting with Sandra Bullock, his co-star of the film “The Proposal.” That’s bound to have added another lead weight to his sinking marriage,” Atkinson commented.

After 20 happy years together, couples are still vulnerable to someone else coming into their lives. How can you keep your relationship strong?

In most couples there is a someone who is “dragged in”. We call them the draggee. So you are not alone – you may even be a group that is nearly half of all those who go to some form of couples therapy or workshop.

If you are familiar with Imago Relationship counseling you may recall that when we first fall in love the brain releases a powerful cocktail of chemicals, which make us feel on top of the world. According to Harville Hendrix, these chemicals are important, because while we are very good at recognizing our ideal partner, we need a little time to get really connected before we discover that there’s a downside. When the initial euphoria of the drugs wears off, we begin to discover that part of being with the ideal partner is discovering some profound differences, which we need to work on together.

For those of you new to validation, this is what we call the second main step in a dialogue. First you would mirror your partner, carefully repeating back what you had heard. And then you “Validate”, which doesn’t mean any form of clerical processing, but just simply saying “You make sense, and the reason you make sense is…”

Regular addicts of this column may recall my obsession with connecting relationship help and happiness. Voyagers to the mountain kingdom of Bhutan can enjoy a country whose success is measured in happiness, and that good relationships are honored as the best path to a happy life.

Unless you are a man who is happier than your wife.

The main result from Baker and McNulty was that if you are shy, you will find it just as easy to find a partner as everyone else. But you won’t be as happy. There’s a poignant twist. Your partner maybe blissfully happy with the relationship, partly because you may be too shy to tell them that they need to shape up and meet your needs more