We’re born into relationships.  We live in a world of relationships.  And if you have anything at all in common with me, it ain’t all that easy!

Here at Imago Relationships International, we’ve made a lot of information available online, but we thought it might be a lot of fun to set up a blog and start taking a topical look at what’s happening to relationships in the world, and how to make sense of it.  

We’re going to look at how Imago principles work out into practice.  For example, this has not been a good week for Tiger Woods, who seems headed straight for divorce.  What does that mean for you and me?

We’re learning once again that we live in a world where even greatly admired people have difficulties having a relationship that’s really satisfying.  After all, if Tiger was deeply connected with his wife in a way that inspired and enriched his life, would so many women be credibly claiming that they had affairs with him. 

Do you find that sad? It’s tempting to admire his ability and luck in attracting so many attractive and bright women.  It’s a bit of a guy fantasy.  It tends to feel quite natural all these years later that of course John F. Kennedy would enjoy some of the side-benefits of presidency and enjoy a little time alone with Marilyn Monroe.   My wife often commented that the only real disappointment with Bill Clinton was his choice of how to use (or abuse) the fringe benefits. 

Do you find it frightening?  Is the only hope for you to have a long-term committed relationship to either be obscure or to be Paul Newman?  If your partner was a celebrity, would it be inevitable that one day you would land up photographed weeping for the benefit of the news, while your partner made some shallow, face-saving public apology?

Or is there something else, that we have missed in relationships, that can make them strong, safe and infinitely rewarding over a life-time?  For some that missing element is plain old-fashioned family values.  “Just stick with it through the storm” and all will be OK.  Or maybe just stick with it through times of deadly boredom.

Well, this blog is about exploring the missing bit, the something else, the elements that can hold us together, and make this life on earth infinitely more wonderful in the process.  What did it cost JFK to spend time with Marilyn Monroe? 

I’ve got my own theory about celebrity relationships.  Not being a celebrity, it means I haven’t had the opportunity to try it out, but being a blogger, it means I can write about it anyway.  Let’s face it – being close to someone is really hard.  Harville Hendrix talks a great deal about the fear of real intimacy that surfaces time and again in couples.  It’s scary to get really close, we can get really hurt.   We become challenged to change.  So if you are a celebrity, and it’s easy to go and take solace with an adoring new partner…well you can see the temptation.

For ourselves, there’s plenty of relationship advice available to get us through the rough patches, and all sorts of approaches to marriage therapy.  But what I want to explore in this blog is what kind of relationship help really makes a lasting difference, and how does that work out in practice.  Because what I believe we need to make a relationship really work, and be really satisfying, is the very level of deep connection that some of us find quite scary.

When my first marriage broke up, I didn’t even go to marriage therapy, or seek any relationship help.  The reason was,  I didn’t want to sit in a room with my wife and hear what she had to say about me, especially not with someone else listening, and judging me.  That’s really why Imago places such an emphasis on us learning step-by-step to talk with our partners deeply but in a very safe and supportive way.   It’s about them hearing us, and us hearing them, accepting and supporting all that at first seems strange and difficult.   Sharing the sorrow, in order to share the joy.