Imago Helps Rekindle First Love's Flame

Years after high-school, Darrell pops the question

Nevin Valentine and Darrell Holdaway
Presidents, Imago Couples International
www.imagocouples.org

Darrell and I were high school sweethearts. The passion of first love was strong, and equally powerful was our penchant for pushing each other's buttons. My diary from those days is filled with accounts of hurt feelings and break-ups. Eventually, we drifted apart, without a clear understanding of why.

After three decades, we reunited. It was like coming home. Determined to create a relationship with a happy ending, we attended a "Getting the Love You Want" workshop in Truckee, California led by Imago therapist Rolf Godon and his partner Tanzy Maxfield. That weekend Darrell was able to imagine me as a wounded child, and I was able to see how much I project my childhood difficulties on him. Darrell's highs and lows brought out my fears of moodiness which I experienced as a child. Learning and practicing the Imago Dialogue became the key to overcoming this frustrating dynamic.

Our education and practice continued with Imago Therapist Anna Marie Franco. She helped us understand that our childhood wounding fueled our conflicts. For example, Darrell was often ignored as a child. His tendency to retreat and isolate was a childhood adaptation which he now realizes does not serve him in our relationship today. My early years at home were chaotic and I blamed my parents for feeling unsafe. Anna Marie taught me to withhold blame and criticism in my relationship with Darrell and, as a result, we have a greater sense of safety together. The Imago Dialogue helps us to clarify our childhood wounds and adaptations and to stretch and grow towards a conscious relationship.

We practice a daily ritual that includes reading a page from Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt's, The Couples Companion, Meditations and Exercised for Getting the Love You Want and reciting our relationship vision. We realize that building the relationship of our dreams will take a lifetime. The tenets of Imago have helped us to develop a relationship in which there is safety and passion and we want to share this knowledge with others. As presidents of Imago Couples International, we live our goal through the mission statement:

"We create an empathic, heart-centered consciousness in the world community to restore the joy of our essential connectedness. Toward that end, we provide a support system and education for couples to create ever-widening circle of Imago relationships."