Walking the Talk

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	Tim and Helen practicing Imago

Helen and I have learned so much from Imago. I came across Imago when I interviewed with Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt (Imago co-founders) for a position with IRI. Little did we know that this company we “fell upon” would have a profound effect not only on my professional life, but on our relationship as well.

Both of us are British and therefore hugely allergic to anything too emotional or heartfelt. My family sees therapy as an admission of failure and Helen’s family disapproves of therapy because she might say something indiscreet. Although we signed up for an Imago weekend workshop as an attempt to “sample the product,” we left with invaluable tools to help us have a richer more compassionate marriage. Learning about Helen’s painful childhood influences have helped me understand the way she functions in the world and feeling that Helen is taking the time to understand the way I see and feel things has allowed me to be more trusting.

People often say that Imago “makes sense”. Even though we had read the Imago books, and several presentations, actively doing the work together was what made things so different. Going through the process of “Imago Work-up” helped me really understand the experiences of my past which were creating stress and anger today.

The workshop came at a very important time for us. After a year in a demanding job, I was struggling with the strain of a heavy workload and many conflicting demands. Helen had been feeling that I did not want to have fun and be spontaneous, something that’s very important to her.

We sat under a tree by a lake, and used the Imago dialogue to gently and supportively work through some of our issues. I was beginning to develop insights about what really lay under the stress and how I could let it go. Helen felt more able to understand what triggers my stress and ways in which she could help me deal with it. There were some breakthroughs for me that weekend that enabled me now to do just as much work, but enjoy it far more and come home with the energy and spirit for us to have a much richer life together.

The Imago process helped us to address what is is irritating us in a respectful way. It helped us look deeper into why it’s a problem. Helen has often felt I am too financially controlling. After the weekend, she realized that some of her “anything goes” point of view has more to do with her childhood stigma against authority and responsibility. Helen definitely remains her carefree fun-loving self, but she has more understanding and respect of they way we both function in the world.

Imago people can get pretty expressive about their love by the end of a workshop. When you are in a large workshop with eighty couples all flooding each other with love and admiration, it can seem like a long way from home for us cool-blooded Brits. But through Imago we are finding ways to be far more open and available for ourselves and others, and have a lot more fun too.