July/August 2010

A Temptress in the Computer - The Cautionary Tale of a Facebook Affair
By Paula Pile MA, LMFT, LPA

Jack and Jill had been married for seven years when Jack stunned Jill by announcing one day that he wanted a divorce. Initially, Jill was utterly shocked and devastated. When she was able to think a bit more clearly, she admitted that she had noticed Jack had become somewhat distant over the past few months, and that he was spending a lot of time on the computer. What she didn't know was that her husband was having an affair - and most of the foreplay happened right in their shared marital home. Jack, you see, had reconnected with an old girlfriend on Facebook.

Unfortunately, new technology that brings new ways for humans to connect also brings new complications and new ways for things to go wrong. The story of Jack and Jill is becoming all too common, and therapist's offices are filling with similar cases. How did this particular disaster happen? How could it have been prevented? The explanation is easy, and the prevention surprisingly simple.

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The Therapist's New Couch is Online

By Tim Atkinson

Let’s face it, actually getting marriage couseling help is tough.  First you have to admit to yourself that you have marriage problems, and that’s a tough one to swallow.  Then you have to talk to your partner, and you know how that goes:

“Let me get this straight,  you think we have marriage problems?” your partner might say, “There’s nothing wrong with me!!” 

Hardly surprising then that Tara Parker-Pope, writing last month in The New York Times details how several groups are turning to online approaches to end marital strife.  Some approaches are based on the idea of an online survey, which measures your marital health, and points out areas where you might need relationship help. Other approaches are more like Imago couples therapy, where couples learn to understand and accept each other more fully. 

The underlying thought is that although an online method won’t be so powerful, couples might use it earlier than traditional marriage counseling, and so it would be more effective.  I was at my dermatologist the other week, who in two minutes took off a little skin defect with his liquid nitrogen spray.  Left untreated, I might have later on required a much more severe operation. Let’s face it, actually getting marriage counseling help is tough.  First you have to admit to yourself that you have marriage problems, and that’s a tough one to swallow. 

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