There's a restaurant that I loved once. A stylish french restaurant in the charming narrow lanes of the West Village of New York City. So of course, I reserved a table where I could treat my wife for a special Valentine's day experience. But when we arrived the restaurant was magically transformed into an eating factory. Extra tables had been inserted with the help of tire-irons. The local fast-food joints appeared to have loaned out their chefs for the night, and a gremlin at the photocopier appeared to be playing games with the price of an indifferent and rushed three-course meal. OK, so it came complete with a small glass of low-grade fizz. Big deal.
Ah! Valentine's Day - once dedicated to the patron saint of love. But now it seems that the patron demon of greed might be elbowing his way in. Ever had a Valentine's celebration disappointment? Well, here's another approach, from Imago.
Valentine's Day is a great opportunity to share with your partner what it is that makes your relationship meaningful. You could even make a little ceremony around it. Perhaps take time before you go out and celebrate, or make it the focus of a quiet celebration at home.
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The Gift That Keeps On Giving
by David Roche
I’ve never really been very good at asking for what I need (like most people on the planet). In my first marriage, I was hopeless. Whenever I tried, everything that came out of my mouth felt like criticism. I always looked at the whole experience as something negative. I just couldn’t see it any other way. I mean, how could telling my spouse about my unmet needs be anything but a bad situation?
Now, several years later, I see it differently. Asking for what we need in relationships is a very positive thing. It’s positive for you because you finally get those childhood wounds healed. But it’s also very good for your spouse, because in order to meet your needs they have to find what they lost long ago, and in the process they finally become whole.
So why does this positive situation seem so negative? It started a long time ago. When we were children the best efforts of our parents did not meet all of our needs, so we screamed and yelled and cried to let them know something was missing.
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