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Prevention Is The Most Effective Cure
by David Roche
 In the US these days the health care debate rages on. What about the cost of health care? What about the cost of health insurance? What about the uninsured? What about waste in the health care system? What about prevention versus cure?
I've never truly understood the focus on cure versus prevention in western medicine. It almost seems that physicians today won't do anything for you until they recognize through diagnosis that you have a serious problem. Then they take action to "cure" the problem. Why isn't there more of a focus on preventing the problem (or disease) in the first place? I know insurance companies are a big part of the issue. What if we knew with certainty (genetics, prior history) that the problem would occur, why wouldn't we take action and prevent it?
What if we knew with certainty that every couple in a committed relationship would hit a wall (the power struggle) and 95% of them would never recover? Why do most couples ignore preventing the problem and take action only to cure the problem? Statistics show that couples in trouble wait an average of seven years before finally getting help. What a waste! Why don't couples take action up-front rather than wait to "fix" the problem later?
I have the top 23 reasons why couples don't take action to prevent the erosion and demise of their marriage:
23. The work is too hard
22. I never knew this would happen
21. Therapy is for sick people
20. Therapy is too expensive
19. Weekend workshops don't do enough
18. We don't have time
17. I'll deal with the issue when it's a problem
16. This is the way it's supposed to be
15. Marriages work out naturally
14. It's not that important
13. I can fix it myself
12. I don't need help
11. It's not going to happen to us
10. I should be happy with what I have
9. I'm scared to learn the truth
8. We can figure this out ourselves
7. I don't know what to do
6. I don't have to change
5. My important needs are met
4. We have it figured out
3. If it ain't broke, don't fix it
2. This is as good as it gets
1. I don't know what I don't know
Well, now you know. Now you know that it happens to all couples and it can be prevented. Here are some very specific actions any couple can take to avoid the incredible, on-going pain of the power struggle and maybe become one of only 5% of couples that find real love:
1. Read the book by Harville Hendrix, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples
2. Attend a couples workshop early in the relationship (maybe 2 or 3 workshops over the years)
3. Find an Imago Therapist so you can:
4. Recognize the real purpose of marriage, to complete childhood
5. Do the work to identify your childhood wounds
6. Do the work to identify your Lost Self and, importantly, your Denied Self
7. Learn the stages of marriage and that the power struggle is supposed to end,
not continue for decades
8. Learn to communicate through Dialogue (mirroring, validating and empathizing)
9. Recognize that your partner does not know your needs
10. Learn about relationship exits and how devastating they are
11. Learn that the natural course of marriage is failure and that conscious behavior
has to happen to make it successful
12. Learn about the conscious marriage
13. Understand that personal growth and development (becoming whole) is directly
tied to meeting the unmet needs of your partner
14. Learn how destructive criticism is, even the famous "constructive criticism"
15. Learn the importance of empathy, both giving it and receiving it
I encourage all of you to make it a priority to gain the knowledge of relationships that you need to make the most important relationship in your life the success of your life.
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